How to Get "Unstuck" In Your Life By Re-Writing Your Story
Welcome to episode number four of the Phoenix Rising podcast and today's topic that is all about YOUR story and how it can either be used for your or be blocking you from the life you really want. Thank you so much to everybody who has left such a kind review, or sent me a message on Instagram letting me know that the podcast is really providing a lot of value for you, and that you're really enjoying it because hearing that kind of feedback is what inspires me to continue to do these episodes. Because that's ultimately my goal. My mission is to really help inspire and empower you to connect more to yourself so that you can feel more connected to your life.
On that note, I have a question. So what's your story? The question that comes up every single time you meet somebody new it used to be I feel like at least I think it used to be you'd meet somebody new, you kind of small talk for a little bit. And then you'd ask: So what do you do? Where now I feel like the question is, so what's your story? The reason I wanted to talk about this today is because the answer that follows provides so much information about the person who is saying it. So if you were the one asking the question, if you pay attention to the answer you receive, you will learn so much real fast about that person. Vice versa, the person who is giving the answer to that question, will learn a lot about themselves if they pay attention to their response. What I mean by that is typically, when we answer the question, what our story is, we are letting you know our entire current belief system, the patterns that we are in now (this goes in every world of dating of jobs, careers, personal health, happiness, everything you can possibly think of, which is why it's so important to pay attention), and if you find that you have been stuck in a pattern or a situation that makes you feel like you're in a glitch in the matrix on this never ending loop and you can't find your way out...Pay attention to your own story and the story that others tell that will give you clues to the answers you seek.
Now the problem is typically we create these stories based on very specific circumstances or situations that were either emotionally charged, or just when we were forced to make some sort of decision, which is great. However, we stay with this for so long that we sometimes forget that we have the power and the opportunity to change it. For example, let's use the dating world. So there's a lot of people are going through a lot of different things in the dating world right now new relationships, starting old relationships. Indeed, the story is changing externally. However, there's a really great guy named Neville Godard, I don't know if I ever say his name right. Every time I say it, somebody else says it different. But he's super old school. I'm talking like, back when television was just in black and white, or just when you could only hear things on the radio. So he's super, super old school, he might be kind of hard for a lot of people to read or listen to. But he talks about a lot of this stuff that your inner dialogue, the second you change the inner dialogue, your external world is going to change. And part of this with the dating thing is a lot of times people go through their own journey. So they're working on themselves. They're doing all the mindset work. They're changing their thought patterns and their belief systems. They're working on self worth and confidence. And they start to establish a new level of what they expect in relationships.
Inevitably, if you were telling the story to yourself and to others, and I use dating because it's just very applicable this would go with any circumstance you are in. But if you were telling the story of there are no good men there are no good women out there. All men are assholes. All women are crazy. Everybody's got so much baggage, even if they are single, the good ones are taken. I always attract the ones that treat me like dirt or cheat on me whatever the story might be, there is some level of your own belief system in there. So naturally, somebody comes up to you Hey, what's your story? Oh, I'm single haven't met the right person. I don't know what it is. I just attract all the wrong people. Well, that's probably what the reality is in your life. Because without getting too far into this is as we will discuss this more in the other episodes, but without getting into like levels of self esteem and self worth wrapped up in childhood and emotional trauma that is unresolved. What happens is you go through life, telling the same story getting the same result and then you get mad at everything outside of yourself because it keeps bringing you the story that you keep telling-When you finally have this realization, and you go within and you're like, Man, I'm kind of tired of this story, it really sucks living this on replay. And you start to change your inner dialogue. And you're like, you know what, I deserve somebody really great. I put a lot of energy and a lot of time and thought and value out there. I deserve somebody who can reciprocate the same love I can. I deserve love, respect and support. So you're changing all of this. And then the next thing you know, your entire world goes down the drain, your relationship is done. Everything shifts, all the crap hits the fan. Basically, people get really frustrated and discouraged when this happens. Now the reason I brought up Neville Godard is because the way he says this is so as a matter of fact. And I love it, because he's like, of course...of course, that would happen when you change your story that's inevitable, because everything that existed prior to that matched your old story.
So going back and using the relationship or a job, because the specific example that he used as a job is if you're sitting there in a job you hate, and the story you've been telling yourself is, oh, I'm whatever age I've been in this job for so long, no matter how hard I try, every job starts out really great. And then at some point, it turns into just a total nightmare. I hate my boss, I hate everything that I do, I'm exhausted, and I'm drained. And I'm not getting paid what I'm worth. And then you hear this podcast or you read something that you're like, you know what, I'm tired of this, I'm changing that story, I deserve to get paid well, I do a really good job, I work really hard. And three days later, you get fired and lose your job. Same exact thing. Normally, when life reacts to the story, we get frustrated, and we get discouraged. And we want to stop. And then we totally just throw all this out the window. And we're like none of this works. I started changing what I was saying. And I lost my friends, I lost my job, I lost my relationship. And it comes back to this. Of course you did. Because sometimes everything that was in your world match something old that you consistently told yourself. So when you start to truly change the inner dialogue and change the story that you've been repeating for years, inevitably, your external world has to change with that.
Now normally what comes up when I bring up this kind of example, or I start talking to people about making changes in their life and how it starts internally, and it starts with the dialogue that you have is there's a level of frustration because there's the experience of Yeah, but my story is true. This really does happen. I really do attract people that treat me like crap in the dating world, or I attract unavailable men, or I keep finding jobs that I totally hate, or whatever the situation is. Yes, that is a true story. 100% I'm not saying it's not true. But the question you have to ask yourself is why are there people in similar situations as you so maybe same qualifications, maybe same work ethics, same experience, maybe same circumstances, all these things...Who are having very different experiences than you?
What is the cause of that?
And normally, the thing that follows is a bunch of Excuses, excuses that are masked by unhealed, emotional trauma that needs to be resolved in order to change the story. If you want to keep your story, then you can keep telling yourself that that's the truth and that everybody else just has a different life, they got different opportunities that you didn't get that they just got lucky, whatever excuse you want to give about why you don't have the things that you have. Or, as I always bring it back to, you can take responsibility and admit that actually, yeah, I do have some level of belief that this is all I can get. Therefore, this is the story I keep telling. And that is why my experience is different than everybody else's.
There's another point to this as well. And I'll use my own personal self as an example of you have to get clear on the fact that the story does serve a purpose. You wouldn't be telling it if it didn't. Now, I can't tell you what purpose it's serving you. But basically, whether it's good, bad, negative, positive, it's leading you to the life you want or you don't want there is some underlying thing that you are getting out of it. It's kind of like people who continue to create health problems or they manifest things that aren't really healthy for them. They're getting something out of it. Sometimes it's attention negative or positive attention. It doesn't matter but they continue to do it because attention is attention. It's the same thing with your story and an example so 2017 to 2018 was a very challenging year across the board person. For me, it was a lot of growth in my personal life. But part of that growth involved, really hard times in my business, heartbreak and a relationship, heartbreak and losing friendships feeling totally and completely lost. And just feeling like every area of my life got completely pulled out from underneath me. So during this time, because it was a very emotional experience. And like I mentioned at the beginning, we usually create these stories through emotional experiences. So during this time, people would ask, so what's your story? How's it going? I had created a story that was wrapped up in struggle, no matter how hard I try, I just can't make things work. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I did all the things, right. It was a whole story that was about, I'm trying hard and nothing's working. I'm struggling. I don't get why everybody else is having this huge growth and success, yet I feel like my life is falling apart. Why did my friends in this relationship leave like everything and the theme of my life was wrapped around this. Now getting to the point of how each story serves a purpose. Through that what I could have done, which would have saved me a lot of frustration, is I could have just seen it for what it was in that I was going through a hard time, I needed to take a break and not push myself so hard to have to accomplish and hit goals and do all these different things. And just stepped away and gave myself time to heal from all these things that were going on. However, through my own emotional issues and struggles with vulnerability that I've had to work through, because I didn't feel like I could do that. And I had to be strong and push through and overcome and practice perseverance and all these things. I created a story that gave me a break from that. So hopefully that makes sense. So now being on the flip side of that, and out of that story, I can see it for what it was because for so long, I was stuck in this loop of like God, no matter how hard I try, it just seems like I keep hitting these walls. And I don't understand. Well, because deep down what I really want is just to take a break, take a break, breathe, find my grounding again, regroup, not be required or expected to do all these things. And then I'll move forward.
So when you're working on your own story that you've been telling, and you're trying to figure out this loop this, how do I get out of it? Where's the glitch in the matrix? So I can escape this rerun that I've been living for so long? Ask yourself, what purpose has the story been serving, though? What is it giving you that you didn't feel like you could get without telling that story, and you're going to uncover a lot. But until you figure out what it is that it's serving you with, you're going to continue to repeat a new one that has a very similar theme. So it's very important that you just recognize it, you don't have to wrap yourself up in it and do a whole lot with it, but just see it for what it is. We first recognize a story you've been telling, I'm gonna be totally honest. For me, I was embarrassed, I was embarrassed because it was like, Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I've been like telling the story. And I'm over here, like trying to hit goals and accomplish dreams and be this person yet, now that I can see clearly why I've had these blocks and the struggles like I am embarrassed that I went through this. Try not to judge yourself, because that's just gonna prolong the process. But one thing that's going to be really helpful is if you look back, so take a look at your life right now exactly where you are and what your current reality looks like. And just be totally honest, without any kind of emotional attachment to it, accept it for what it is, maybe you're broke, maybe you hate your job, maybe your relationship isn't what you want it to be. Or maybe you don't have a relationship at all, maybe your health, your fitness, just get super clear and see it for what it is almost as a stranger that's just observing your life. So no emotional drama around it because we don't want to continue to charge that story. This entire current situation that you're in, see if you can look back at past choices that you've made. And if there's not some sort of connection that created the current reality. So a lot of times people get scared of making change because of fear of the unknown. But the truth of how life works is your current reality was created through past choices. In order to create a better reality. You have to be exactly where you are, be present and make new choices, which is the new story. This requires Something that we all absolutely love so much. And that is patience, and consistency. Nobody likes either one of these, it is the truth of everything in life, in your health, in your career in building a business in relationships is you have to consistently show up with the intention of what direction you are moving towards, and be patient, trusting the process, by using your experience as proof that when you change the story, your external world will also change. So now that you understand how all of that works, the next thing that you have to ask yourself is do you want to change your story? Or do you still want to keep the same one because of the purpose that it serves in whatever it is that you need it to serve? If which I hope you do want to change your story and move in a different direction and really see how you can create a new reality and create a new life for yourself. A lot of times people get lost to figuring out, well, how the heck do I create a new story like I don't, I don't even know where to begin, it's actually not that complicated of a process. And you can just take out a pen and paper and write out in different areas. I do this a lot, because it makes it kind of structured, but also gives room for just kind of your imagination, creative expression, a lot of freedom, any area of your life that you want to change, you can simply write that out on separate pieces of paper. Give yourself time and space to do this as a process. But also do your best to make sure that you are connecting with what it is that comes up.
Here's an example, say it's your career, the top of a piece of paper, you can write career, you have an entire blank page, because now you've accepted exactly where you are, you get a clean slate, a blank start of whatever the ideal career situation is for you. Try your best not to limit whatever comes up, a lot of people tend to create their quote unquote, Dream reality within the limits of their current reality. So hopefully that makes sense. Do not try to mold what it is that you actually want, based on what you're currently actually living in. So put it up there at the top of B's paper, write out each section, if it's relationship, your health, money, all these things, and then take the time and allow whatever comes up to come up whatever it is that like, what is it that just like lights, your fire, like makes you glow, that thing that just is really in your heart that would make you so happy if it actually came true. And allow it to come out on a piece of paper as like, you know what this is actually what I see myself doing in my career, this sounds amazing. And so fun, and write it out in as much detail with as much emotional charge to it as possible. Because that means you're connected to it. That means it's truth, and it's off. Authentic, Authenticity, whatever. You know what I'm trying to say that means that it's authentic to you and your journey. And it is not based on what everybody else expects for you. And the more true it is that you're writing now, the easier it's going to be for you to really manifest that in your life. Same thing with a relationship, if you have the idea of what your dream relationship would be like, or even the type of person you would want to be with. Write all of that out. As you go through this process, you can completely do this with your whole life. If you're like, you know what F*** it, like, I'm not happy with anything in life, I'm totally changing the story, then do that you have the freedom to do that. And the power to do that. When you go through this process, repetition is going to be key to creating a new path. Just like again, everything else in life, the more consistent and repetitive you are with it, the more it's going to feel like truth to you.
So what I like to do is when I'm working on things that I would like to make some transitions and change in as I do this process that I just described with blank pieces of paper, then I will take either small index cards or small pieces of paper. And I will write it as if it's a 30 second elevator pitch or as if I am answering the question somebody is asking me if so what's your story, making sure that it matches the new reality that I want to head in. So hopefully that makes sense. So if you wrote out a whole bunch of stuff and a lot of different areas. Now write a short paragraph of who you are, what it is that you do, the type of life that you're living, and just put it in something that feels natural. You don't have to be over I don't know over descriptive about it. And an example of that would because sometimes people Just get way over the top like you don't, don't say anything that you wouldn't say or don't speak in a way that doesn't even sound like you have like, Oh, I am living a life of luxury and abundance and all of my dreams came true. And this is just so naturally perfect. Like if you don't talk like that, do not write anything out like that, because you're not going to believe it. So write it out in a way that feels like your own voice and feels like something you would actually say out loud to somebody else. So that each time you repeat it, it rewrites what's been going on internally. And then the choices that you make in life will reflect the news story. As I have mentioned, with every other exercise, there's no right or wrong way to do this. So put whatever makes your heart happy.
The next thing you want to do is you kind of want to place this in different areas that you are in and regularly. So sometimes, if I am really working on changing some thought patterns and mindset, things going on, I will put these index cards and these post it notes everywhere, like the dashboard of my car, my bathroom mirror, next to my nightstand, on my computer, anywhere that I am looking constantly, because what will happen is you and myself, when we're triggered, we immediately will go back to an old story. So it is important that you have these things in place and that you catch yourself when you start to go down that path of the old story to immediately replace that thought process with the new story. So if you go on a date, maybe this person happens to match what you used to tell yourself about the dating world. Instead of continually going down that path and telling yourself like this doesn't work. I changed my thoughts for five minutes. And I still went on a date with somebody who's terrible or even your career. Immediately when you catch yourself going down those thought patterns, change it, change it in a way that makes sense for you. And that feels like truth. An example of this would be like, Oh, yeah, you know what, of course, that's how that person was. Because I'm just now changing my story. It's not a big deal. I know that from this point forward, I am going to start attracting new people who line up with what I actually want in life because I am changing my story. So do things like that. Because when you start to make serious change in your life, and you start to really change your mindset, it is like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum that you will feel triggered and have all kinds of things come up. It's almost like it fights you of like: Oh my god, no, don't. Don't tell us a new story. We've been in this pattern. And it's been so easy for us to continue doing this. Like why do we want to change this that's so uncomfortable.
So that's why it's important to place these things everywhere as a constant reminder, to really get into your subconscious belief system and change the patterns. I always believe the biggest catalyst for change, other than what we've been talking about, but is recognizing the why the why in anything is what motivates you to continue to move forward or to stop doing something you've been doing. The reason it is important for you to know your story. Or even to have all of this information, understand that you have the power to change it anytime you want, is because if you don't take the power to change your story or to use it to help you, other people use your story against you. And an example of this, this is a story about a story. An example of this, and maybe this is why I'm like very passionate about just helping people connect to themselves because it helps you become more aware of your life, and the things that go on in it. And so that one you are not on autopilot and you realize you always have and always had the power to make the changes you need. And there's nothing outside of yourself that you need in order to do that. But number two, so nobody goes under any kind of situation where they're manipulated or treated in a way that's not right. So the story about the story and I will make this short is when I first got into the online digital marketing world This was back in I think it was like 2011 2012 this was before Instagram, Facebook ads, all those things really existed. And Instagram was kind of brand new. But I was a personal trainer. I was doing a ton of stuff, learning how to build an online business. I really wanted to help people and empower people using nutrition, fitness and mindset as a form of healing and transformation. That was my goal. Well, I got into these different courses about how to sell online when you don't even meet people face to face, how to do digital marketing. Just a lot of stuff around sales. And one of the tactics that is used which, when I first understood this and learn this, I was so angry about it because I realized that I had been part of this system, meaning somebody else use this on me and I bought into it. But one of the things that's used and one of the things you go through, if you're in almost any online digital space, is there's something called sales copy, you may already be familiar with this, you might not. But it's a process where you are taught how to connect psychologically and emotionally with your ideal customer. And it's called your avatar. So basically, you get in their head. So think the way they think, how do they feel? And I mean, these are questions you ask in these courses of how do they feel? What keeps them up at night? What is their biggest pain point? What is it that they feel stuck, and emotionally just distraught about all these things, they want you to learn these things, then they want you to write copy, that matches that to trigger you in order to buy if you sold the documentary, social dilemma, it's 100% accurate, that is exactly what happens. Not just I mean, everybody hates on social media. It's not just social media. This is what advertising and marketing is when it's done in an unethical way. But this is why it's important for you to be self aware, to understand your story. Because otherwise, people connect to your story when you're not connecting to your story. And they use it to manipulate you and convince you that they have the answers to your deepest pains and your biggest problems. And then you spend all this money, and all this crap that does nothing for you and still leaves you searching to somebody else who connects to your emotional pain. They're like, Oh, my God, aren't you tired of going on dates that end and nothing? We know, which is why we created this app, where it leads to love were meant to be deleted, and you're like, bullshit. Like, I already know why I haven't been getting the dates that I've been wanting. Because I've been telling the wrong story. And your app is not the answer. All I have to do is change my inner dialogue. It's the same thing with all these people that are like, Is it your dream to make six figures in six months? I know what it feels like to not be able to pay your bills. I know how hard it is to live paycheck to paycheck, I have the answer to your freedom. Yeah, no, thank you. I'm sorry, I don't want your six figure business, to be teaching me to be build building a six figure business. So this is why it's so important. Because when you become self aware of this, and you start to connect to your story, and you can see it in your own life, it might make you a little angry when you realize all the things that pop up that have been using it against you, you take your power back, which is why it's important for you to do this work. And realize that there is nothing outside of yourself that is blocking you from having what you want. And there is nothing outside of you that can give you the answers to what you're searching for all of it happens by you sitting with yourself, taking the time taking the responsibility, accepting what your current story is connecting with the purpose behind it, of why have you been telling the story, what has it been giving you, but then committing to making the change of consistently, impatiently showing up with a new one.
As you go through this process to give you a little encouragement, I use the Neville Godard story as part of it in if you go and you change everything, and then everything outside of you goes down the drain. It is gonna require so much inner strength and discipline for you to trust the process. So be patient. There's another quote, I can't remember who said it. But it's, it's kind of deep, and it's kind of old school. I'm kind of an old soul. So I like all this old school stuff. But it's something along the lines of be not impatient in delay. But wait as one who understands when spirit rises and commands the gods are ready to obey, and the interpretation and that is basically like, don't get impatient with the process because it might take some time to shift everything to match what you've been doing. Be patient because you understand that when you make the changes internally, the external world has to respond to it. So if you're going through this and you start to do this, and it's been weeks, and nothing really seems different. Think about how long you were telling the old story that brought you the old reality. And then put that into context with how long you've been telling the new one. I do promise though, you can't tell a new story and live the same old life, it's just not possible. That's not I mean, it's not the same, because you're changing the equation. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. So if you change what you're doing, you're going to get a different result. So I encourage you to stick with it and try and do it. And surround yourself with people who have this kind of mindset, who are also doing the work to encourage you and help support you through this process, and aren't going to help delete basically all the stuff that you've been doing and take you back down your old patterns. That's, that's really the challenge. And I've been talking to a lot of people about this recently, because I think the hard part isn't making the change. The hard part is having the inner strength and the inner discipline that when you do make the change, and you start to see it happen, where maybe you are losing friends, you're losing relationships, you're losing a lot of things that no longer align with the new you in sticking with the new story, because it's very easy. When you have all these shifts happening outside of yourself, and it gets really uncomfortable and you get scared because there might be what I call the Dark Void. Oh my god, the Dark Void. So imagine, basically, you have this new pot of dirt, you have a seed, you put the seed in the pot of dirt, you know, that with water and sunshine and love. Eventually, this thing is supposed to sprout and come out of the dirt and blossom into something right. So imagine this new seed that you're planting in the dirt, the same thing as this new story that you're planting in your subconscious brain. So you water this thing every day. You're giving it sunshine, you're giving it love and you're just trusting the process. Except it's been weeks, and you don't even see a little sprout coming out of the dirt that is exactly this same process. Actually, you know what, go buy a seed and a particular and do this for yourself because it will translate and help you. Your subconscious is the same way you're planting new seeds, you have to continually water it, give it sunshine, surround it with things that help it grow, trusting that one day, eventually you'll see that seed blossom into something. I know that this is getting like into a lot of different analogies but with the Dark Void. My point in sharing that analogy is you might be in dirt in a dark place for a while digging through all of that trying to find your way to the light of day in the sunshine while you continue to water and sunshine, water and sunshine, water and love this new thought process. However, if you stick with it, it does pay off. And eventually there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you'll look back. And you'll be like oh my God, this was on my vision board. Oh my God, this was what I was saying like a year ago. And now I'm actually in this relationship or this career, I actually have the things that I was saying.
You don't actually see it because the process and the journey through that seems like a lot of twists and curves and not a straight shot. But looking back, all of it makes perfect sense.
So I really hope this helps you. I hope it encourages and empowers you that whatever situation you're in. If you're feeling stuck, if you feel like you're in a loop in the matrix, stop, become present and ask yourself, what's my story? And there you will find the answer to make the changes to actually getting what you want. I love this. I love sharing this stuff with you guys. If you loved it, please leave me a review because like I said at the beginning, it helps me so much. Also feel free to connect with me over on Instagram. It's just my name, Ashley Drummonds. My goal is to continue to put these out about once a week. So if there's a specific topic that you want help on, I love hearing about it and I love helping with this. So please let me know don't hesitate to reach out. But in the meantime, have a fantastic day. Knowing that you have the power to have anything that you want in life. You can be anyone that you want to be and it all starts inside of you. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you guys in the other episodes.
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